Saturday, 24 December 2011
Wednesday, 7 December 2011
|oooh your the sweetness|
I listened to him play for a while and readied some change for his hat, as I was placing the money I started chatting to him about the drum explaining I had one at home though not as big as his (yes I had djemebe envy) and he asked if I would like to play it, I honestly couldn't even try to turn him down and with the exception of the gig it was the greatest moment of my week. This is why I love the busking community no airs, no graces, just music that you could actually join in with if you wanted. And so it leads me to the gig, or more pointedly one of the supporting acts : 'The Wonder Years' don't get me wrong I have respect for their ability to play instruments and musical talent but, they are Idiots, here's why :
Friday, 25 November 2011
As a small child I was a rather rambunctious, not a problem child, just full of energy and very active. My brother and I were obsessed with the movie "Home Alone" we would spend hours trying to simulate the 'traps'.
One particular solo attempt was me tying one end of a string of wool to the curtain rail and the other to the bottom of the welsh dresser, standing on a chair armed with a coat hanger I prepared for my descent.
At that minute my uncle walked into the room with a puzzled look "does your Dad let you do that?" He quizzed. "....yes" I hurriedly replied. So he, shrugged and WALKED AWAY! I couldn't belive my luck, fortunately I realised the tautness of the wool wouldn't hold my weight and I abandoned the project.
As pleased as I was at the time I can't help but shake my head in disbelief now when I think back.
So I put the question to you :
What crazy things did you get away with as a kid?
Sunday, 20 November 2011
His let me guest as Ive started one of these Flipping Blogs. So far Ive done about 10 days straight of posting daily abstract doodles. Heres my guest version of my doodle blog for the 20th November 2011.
The blogs about everything really although I'm hoping to breach the subject of my degenerative eye condition RP as time goes. In a decade or two it will render me legally blind so it may be a way of dealing, but its not all doom and gloom its an Optimistic blog by nature.
If anyone would like to guest for a post they'd be totally welcomehttp://www.franksdailydoodle.blogspot.com
I enjoyed the whole day immensely, Lost in the Doodle until the early Hours of the Morning with no worries or Cares, I think it was when I truly discovered how Calming the Doodle could be.
Heres some of the doodles so far...
Thanks for Looking,
Come over and Tell me about what you like to do art to, and what , music makes your creative juices go wild?
- Frank 20-11-11
Thursday, 10 November 2011
When I was about 16, I had a problem with sharing I tended to 'over-react' when someone asked me to share. One day in the park I had a whole share bag of malteasers to myself and a small boy asked me for one. Instead of just saying "No" I decided to scream "WELL HAVE THEM ALL THEN" and throw the bag at the poor kids face.
Now I realised that kind of behaviour (I'd do it to everyone) wasn't acceptable and wanted to be able to offer people things but still found it difficult when people said yes. Luckily I found a loophole in the system and I'm going to share it with you now.
I refined my palate to like things that not many people like E.G : Iron Bru, Liqourice and peppermint tea, rainbow drops and liqourice and blackcurrant sweets. Funnily enough now when I offer people these things I don't mind if they say yes..
Saturday, 5 November 2011
So when the clocks change why oh why do I hear people saying "it's 6 o clock but it's really 5" referring to the previous day. The frequency of this is disturbingly high, people don't seem to be able to let go, like it's to their advantage to remember, when in reality it's just time consuming and trivial.
I'd hate to see these people in another time-zone "OK I'm in china and it's 1am so really its 5pm"
Monday, 31 October 2011
This image pretty much sums up my mood right now
Cynicism Recharging 80%
I'll have something funny up in a few days.
Monday, 17 October 2011
Sunday, 16 October 2011
When I was crossing the road outside Nando's restaurant I assumed that it was safe to cross the second part as there were no cars approaching the junction, how wrong I was. Thank you for the reminder that the DVLA doesn't use an IQ test as standard in the driving exam.
Yes I was cross and I shouted but please understand, If you carried on driving on THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD someone could be dead, including ME. Your excuse there were no markings on the road is a load of balls, because here in the UK we drive on THE LEFT, but of course who could forget the following statement "I've never been to bedford before" If that truly is the case surely you should be paying more attention to the road.
The man you tried to kill
Tuesday, 11 October 2011
Increasingly I find myself over hearing conversations such as
Manager: "what are you doing?"
Teenage employee: "oh I need something to do.."
Manager? "Why don't you put that stock out?"
T.E: "No. I always refuse to do Menswear"
Seriously? I don't get it, my brain refuses to believe that someone would be so dense as to cut off an entire section of a store just because (and I quote) "I don't like it". To illustrate my confusion here's my contribution to the conversation
"bu..? why..? fhe..?"
I have a vague recollection of what it was like to hate work, but after being unemployed for several months I found myself getting bored of being bored, and 'apparently' the microwave can only take so much punishment and experimentation before it also wants to leave the house, But now when I get tired from working gives me an enormous sense of well being and satisfaction.
Someone was telling me I'm losing my touch with young people, but I'm inclined to believe there an idiot too.
P.S Check out my new background! isn't it groovy?
Wednesday, 5 October 2011
Now we have all seen the shy, and I'm very familiar with the behaviour, sits in the corner, doesnt approach anyone and NEVER dances and often leaves feeling neglected and unwanted because nobody has bothered to talk to them, of course the obvious solution is to try and approach other people, but more often then not this effort is halted by the 2nd type. The Idiot.
The Idiot is a self-absorbed nobody, concerned only with making friends with people who they belive will raise their social status, symptoms include uninterested one word answers to your questions, no reciprication, minimal eye contact and a dead tone (like the phone left off the hook).
Now I speak to all the shy's out there when I say, if you are at a party and you discover your talking to an idiot, leave, LEAVE NOW! Find someone interesting to talk to, find a fellow shy and try and bring them out of their shell, become the person you want to talk to you. Those actions prove you are better then Idiots. Take solace in that fact. I know I have
Your fellow shy.
P.S I'm now on Google+, you can find me as Dan Hillman.
Monday, 26 September 2011
Tuesday, 20 September 2011
Happened to me today, and quite literally pee's me off.
I walk in a petrol station and talk to the counter girl:
Me: "Do you have a loo?"
Counter girl: "No"
Me: "Well, where do you go while your on
C.G: "In the staff loo"
Me: "Sooo you do have a loo? Can I use it please?"
C.G: "NO! It'a for staff only"
Me: "Listen jobsworth, think about this logically I need to pee. It's your loo or your floor, Now I know how to flush a chain, but I don't know where you keep your mop"
C.G: "just round the corner there..."
C'mon people, get a grip! It's a freaking loo.
Thursday, 15 September 2011
There is a very clear difference between my wife Becky and myself, Becky has a lovely ability of seeing the best in everyone, something you will no doubt have noticed I lack and I'd be lying if I said it didn't cause some complications. The biggest being how I want my ashes disposed of when I die. I have given Becky very specific instructions. I will give her a list of people and I would like her to take my urn of ashes round to each one take a handful of ash and throw it in each persons face, then point and laugh. Becky refuses to do what I feel is a very reasonable request. Instead she suggested baking a cake for everyone.
Wednesday, 7 September 2011
Art work and idea refinement kindly dontated by Frank.
you can find his blogs here http://retrievalfailurefmemorydump.blogspot.com/
and here http://usedmemorysleapdepository.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, 6 September 2011
#2 To a lady walking past me in the high street with a blue streak in her otherwise white hair : "Did you go to sleep with your head on a biro or something?"
#3 Waiting to get off the train in the middle of a group of women : "What consitiutes an emergency? because sometimes women have makeup emergencies."
#4 Walking out of the disabled toilet in mc donalds : "THAT WAS A DELICIOUS POO!"
#5 To a customer who I don't like asking if I am having a bad day : "No, I just don't like you"
Thursday, 1 September 2011
Saturday, 27 August 2011
Thats the beauty of using a cubicle, Complete Annonomity, anything that happens in a cubicle stays in the cubicle nothing can be attributed to you, no sounds, no smell, no disconcerting stain on the ceiling. The closest anyone can actually discover is if you are a man or woman, and even then it’s touch and go.
I understand he is an addict and it was brought to my attention that the syptoms of going cold turkey are very similar to the flu, so the question arises “Had Todd run out of his ‘medication’ and was he simply trying to stay lucid enough to play the gig?”
Now I’m a big fan of irony, I see it everywhere, Its almost an obsession, though I don’t consciously search for it. But if a famous rock star can post $25,000 for robbing a pharmacy, why did he need to rob the pharmacy?
Monday, 15 August 2011
"Phones 4U!!" Phones for me? What really? Are you sure? Because I thought mobile phone shops only sold you a phone if it was a present for someone else... Wow, maybe that's changed.. But hang on, you said PhoneS 4 me, I already have one.. I'm not sure how many I can actually handle at once.
Ooh look! Pets at home!... I thought this was a shop? Honestly where else am I going to keep a pet? Oh I know! In the wild!... But then.. It won't be mine any more.. at least no more mine then the tree I adopted last year in the New Forest
This is a great magazine, oh cool! Look it has a "Cut out and keep" section, because usually I just throw the whole thing away and pulp it.
C'mon people lets get real
Wednesday, 10 August 2011
Another thing is 'Music' shops, as a percussionist I often phone different out of town stores to see if it's worth checking it out, 9 out 10 times Ill get the reply "Oh we only sell guitars" Shouldn't you be called Guitar store then? Thats what I want to say but I said I wasn't going to upset anyone so I'm using it as an excuse to start shopping online.
Thursday, 4 August 2011
Monday, 1 August 2011
Friday, 22 July 2011
Returning home from the car one evening the wife and I overheard a man shouting at someone YOUR A F*&£ING WIZARD! The protagonists were hidden by a bush and they sounded angry, so I didn't investigate, thus I employed the talents Gail Weiss to illustrate it for you.
This is the reimagining of that situation I overheard from behind a bush.
Thanks to Gail for her time and effort I hope you all enjoy it as much I do. If
you'd like to see more of Gails fantastic funny drawings you can find her blog here :
Monday, 18 July 2011
Here's a nice transcript to relay another problem
(house phone rings)
Me: (answering the phone) Hello?
Company Moron : Can I speak with Mrs ****** please?
Me : Who is calling please?
CM: Idiots limited Can we talk to Mrs ****** please?
Me : Speaking
CM : ......... um.. MRS, ******?
Me : Yes, Can I help you?
I do it in my normal voice too.
I do this to highlight a point, Not revealing information to the customers husband does not make you 'safe'.
Wednesday, 13 July 2011
firstly for the people in this audience not familiar with T.V licensing allow me to explain : Here in the U.K the BBC is partially funded by a licensing fee which at this time of print is £145.50 per year, Unfortunately the T.V license authority would allow you to believe that this fee applies to you just for the ownership of a television set. well I can reassure you, It doesn't. In fact the licensing fee applies only to LIVE programming on your set mobile phone or PC. So using "catch up" services online such as BBC iplayer are not covered and therefore free to anyone.
After becoming unemployed I cancelled my T.V license and tuned out the programming and within a month I received numerous letters warning me of the fine I would receive if when they called round my T.V was found to be tuned in to programming.
Yesterday mid morning I heard a knock at my door answering it the man revealed himself to be from T.V licensing and showed me his I.D. Another little known fact is unless I invite him in, he will need a warrant, but as tempted as I was to slam the door in his face, I wanted to end the stream of harassment coming through my mail. He turned on my T.V, flicked around, saw no programming and left satisfied I don't need a license.
Feeling rather elated later on that I had won (and proved people wrong while doing nothing) I celebrated by watching BBC iplayer.
Friday, 8 July 2011
Wednesday, 6 July 2011
Sunday, 3 July 2011
Tuesday, 28 June 2011
Wednesday, 22 June 2011
Friday, 17 June 2011
#2 : You can see everyone else's bits.
#3 : *censored*
#4 : They stink
#5 : I'm pretty sure ladies would never use them
#6 : I dont have one at home.
#7 : Those blue 'cake' thingys
#8 : They flush themselves, often at inconveiniant times.
#9 : Did I mention they stink?
#10 : They are postioned at waist height AKA Splash City
Sunday, 12 June 2011
My father is a prison officer and years back when I was young he would sometimes bring myself and my younger brother to work with him. While he was busy working, about three or four men would watch and play games with my brother and I. Now it wasn't until I was around 18 years old the realisation struck me like a paper airplane hitting the nose of an unsuspecting churchgoer that : "Those men were.. prisoners!" since that time it has been revealed to me that the men who looked after us were under life sentences and had been giving "jobs" as porters within the prison and trustworthy. What amazes me the most when I think of how the general prisoner is perceived is the advice these men would give myself and my sibling, things like "Don't ever smoke kid" and "Always listen to your mum and dad" and it makes me wonder perhaps the justice system does work.. a bit.
Tuesday, 7 June 2011
Thursday, 2 June 2011
Tuesday, 24 May 2011
Saturday, 21 May 2011
Friday, 20 May 2011
Wednesday, 18 May 2011
*blog update* Tried the coffee dress shirt.... maybe i shouldn't have used boiling coffee... time to break out the sudacream