#1 First thing I said to an old friend I hadn't seen for 5 years : "That mustache doesn't really suit you does it?"
#2 To a lady walking past me in the high street with a blue streak in her otherwise white hair : "Did you go to sleep with your head on a biro or something?"
#3 Waiting to get off the train in the middle of a group of women : "What consitiutes an emergency? because sometimes women have makeup emergencies."
#4 Walking out of the disabled toilet in mc donalds : "THAT WAS A DELICIOUS POO!"
#5 To a customer who I don't like asking if I am having a bad day : "No, I just don't like you"