Share? I have a better idea..

When I was about 16, I had a problem with sharing I tended to 'over-react' when someone asked me to share. One day in the park I had a whole share bag of malteasers to myself and a small boy asked me for one. Instead of just saying  "No" I decided to scream "WELL HAVE THEM ALL THEN" and throw the bag at the poor kids face.

Now I realised that kind of behaviour (I'd do it to everyone) wasn't acceptable and wanted to be able to offer people things but still found it difficult when people said yes. Luckily I found a loophole in the system and I'm going to share it with you now.
I refined my palate to like things that not many people like E.G : Iron Bru, Liqourice and peppermint tea, rainbow drops and liqourice and blackcurrant sweets. Funnily enough now when I offer people these things I don't mind if they say yes..

Daylight Savings Time

Yes, It's that time of year again! As I'm sure most of you know ; here in the UK we change our clocks twice a year, An hour forward in the spring, (Spring forward) and an hour back in the autumn (Fall back). We get reminders and a lot of technology does it automatically (Mobile Phones and Laptops Etc. )
So when the clocks change why oh why do I hear people saying "it's 6 o clock but it's really 5" referring to the previous day. The frequency of this is disturbingly high, people don't seem to be able to let go, like it's to their advantage to remember, when in reality it's just time consuming and trivial.
I'd hate to see these people in another time-zone "OK I'm in china and it's 1am so really its 5pm"

I apologise for the lack of content right now, Been a bit busy with family things. I should have seen it coming seeing how things were seemingly going well for a change, but apparently there is no such thing as common sense and idiocy runs rampart evermore.
This image pretty much sums up my mood right now

Cynicism Recharging 80%
I'll have something funny up in a few days.
Dan

Guest Post by My Wife Rebecca 'In The Mix'

My work is not just work...

in fact its a slice of perfect cake :-)

I have the unequalled privilege of being a 'Play Worker' 

This so called job, as the title denotes simply translates into 40 hour a weeks worth of play...which in turn equals fun...which astonishingly then amounts to work!

One of my fondest most gleeful experiences has been during one of my many cooking activity sessions I frequently run with children. Now the following has happened not once, or twice but on countless occasions...

true story!

Most the children in my care are between the ages of 2 - 8 years. We endeavor to encourage independence in our sessions, and not to take charge of a child's efforts too much and the finished product isn't all that important...its the having fun whilst learning experience that counts. Regardless of age or ability I guarantee the outcome may be the same as follows in many a young kids cooking class...

me:     "right Sam can you read out the ingredients needed to bake carrot muffins?"

Sam:   "yes it says flour...blah blah blah"

me:     "yes check, we have all the needed ingredients. So who would like to crack the eggs?"

Tom:  "me, me, me I've done this like a thousand times with mummy at home...properly"

(bear in mind Tom is 3 and a half years of age)

Then I hesitantly handed Tom the egg watching in anticipation...

then to my surprise Tom lifted the egg and with all the grace of a prima ballerina he very gently tapped the egg against the side of the mixing bowl, he seemed astounded it had not cracked! He gave it another tap, as careful as before and yet again he looked almost disappointed that it had not cracked. Then to my surprise faster then I could say "have another go Tom" he had closed his eyes so tightly shut, he drew in a breath of a deep sea diver and then he instantly crushed the egg in the palm of his hand...and watched with the wildest crazed smile as shell, egg white and yolk proceeded to run very slowly down his arm into his sleeve.

The other children looked in amazement...and with that one look they began to laugh in amazement. To conclude its fair to say there we're lots of eggs cracked in such a way that day, and all the children had done it a thousand times before with their mummies...properly :-) 

STOP!!

To the Idiot who nearly ran me over today,

When I was crossing the road outside Nando's restaurant I assumed that it was safe to cross the second part as there were no cars approaching the junction, how wrong I was. Thank you for the reminder that the DVLA doesn't use an IQ test as standard in the driving exam.

Yes I was cross and I shouted but please understand, If you carried on driving on THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD someone could be dead, including ME. Your excuse there were no markings on the road is a load of balls, because here in the UK we drive on THE LEFT, but of course who could forget the following statement "I've never been to bedford before" If that truly is the case surely you should be paying more attention to the road.

Yours sincerly

The man you tried to kill

Teenagers..

I'm not sure if I have already made it clear, But I am now working in a clothing retailers, It's not exciting work but it's work all the same and I intend to appreciate every minute of it. Unlike some of my new found colleagues..  
Increasingly I find myself over hearing conversations such as

Manager: "what are you doing?" 
Teenage employee: "oh I need something to do.."
Manager? "Why don't you put that stock out?"
T.E: "No. I always refuse to do Menswear"

Seriously? I don't get it, my brain refuses to believe that someone would be so dense as to cut off an entire section of a store just because (and I quote) "I don't like it". To illustrate my confusion here's my contribution to the conversation

"bu..? why..? fhe..?"

I have a vague recollection of what it was like to hate work, but after being unemployed for several months I found myself getting bored of being bored, and 'apparently' the microwave can only take so much punishment and experimentation before it also wants to leave the house, But now when I get tired from working gives me an enormous sense of well being and satisfaction.

Someone was telling me I'm losing my touch with young people, but I'm inclined to believe there an idiot too.

P.S Check out my new background! isn't it groovy?

Party Idiots

Id like to confess something, Im not as confident as I claim most of the time. Yes I look like a movie-star and act cool but would you belive that under the devillish good looks and fancy banter is a small worried child? Nope didn't think so and you'd be right. putting aside my lack of modesty and actually getting to the point I find alot of people nowadays don't seem to understand how to socialise, I've noticed 2 types #1 The shy and #2 the Idiot.


Now we have all seen the shy, and I'm very familiar with the behaviour, sits in the corner, doesnt approach anyone and NEVER dances and often leaves feeling neglected and unwanted because nobody has bothered to talk to them, of course the obvious solution is to try and approach other people, but more often then not this effort is halted by the 2nd type. The Idiot.


The Idiot is a self-absorbed nobody, concerned only with making friends with people who they belive will raise their social status, symptoms include uninterested one word answers to your questions, no reciprication, minimal eye contact and a dead tone (like the phone left off the hook).


Now I speak to all the shy's out there when I say, if you are at a party and you discover your talking to an idiot, leave, LEAVE NOW! Find someone interesting to talk to, find a fellow shy and try and bring them out of their shell, become the person you want to talk to you. Those actions prove you are better then Idiots. Take solace in that fact. I know I have

Your  fellow shy.
Dan

P.S I'm now on Google+, you can find me as Dan Hillman.